For whatever reason, in the last couple of months, I’ve been hearing people share the above statement in reference to their early recovery. Guy with five years clean says, “They don’t do it now, but back when I first got clean, recovery was more hard core. I was told to ‘Sit down and shut up’.” Woman with 10 years clean, “Oh yeah, I was told to sit down and shut up. If we want to know how to use, we’ll ask you.” Members with 15 and 20 years clean share the same thing. (How often do newcomers actually stand to share? Most are too afraid to raise their hands, let alone stand up and be the center of attention. How do you tell some one to sit down if they are already sitting down?)
I must say, I’m coming up on 23 years clean (Thanks God) and in all this time and a few thousand meetings later, I have NEVER, EVER heard someone say this. Years ago, when I would hear some one share about being told that, I would think, “Man, I must really be burnt out. I don’t remember people saying that.” So, as the years go by and I have an idea of my ability to remember things, I sure as hell don’t remember anyone talking like that. I have heard on occasion people sharing, “Take the cotton out of your ears and stick it in your mouth.” But never a nasty, “Sit down and shut the fuck up.”
And truthfully, if anybody had said that to me in early recovery, I probably would have picked up a chair, thrown it at them and said, “Fuck you, I’m outta here.” I would have continued on in my active addiction and died. Or at least been in jail for assaulting an asshole in a recovery meeting.
While I’m going off on this tangent, I have a suggestion for old timers – “Sit down and shut the fuck up.” What the hell is with standing in front of meetings to chair? I hear the craziest excuses for standing at the chairperson’s seat (hhhmmm – CHAIRperson, chair. Do you see where I’m going with this?). “Stand for something or fall for anything.” “I’m so short.” ‘Can ya hear me back there?” etc, etc. And what is with sharing for 50 minutes or more? I was at a meeting the other night and the chairperson, with 9 years clean, who stood, shared for 45 minutes. To be followed by only two other people – one with 12 years and the other with 14 years. All three shared about the importance of helping the newcomer. How the hell can you help a newcomer if you don’t allow them the opportunity to share? What is your prblem and how can we help? They don’t get a chance to share what ails them.
I think in my next post I’ll talk about ‘Round Robins, Chairperson’s responsibility and calling out’.
Thanks for this post, thanks for your honesty.
I never understood the “Sit down and Shut up” nonsense I heard. The quietest place I was ever in was a dopehouse. People are easily distracted and upset with new members because they don’t know “how to talk”. What the fuck do you expect them to say? Nothing. They are coming to us for help, our literature tells me meetings are a place where I can ask questions and learn about our disease so which is it?
Thanks Again!